If We Censor Critical Race Theory Here is What Else We Can’t Teach

Since 2021 37 states have introduced legislation restricting what schools can teach about race and history and restricting Critical Race Theory.

The Florida bill introduced by Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis is designed to protect students from any “discomfort, guilt or anguish” they might feel when confronted by the facts of American history. Some states are looking to extend these restrictions to higher education as well.

Public School Zero has taken the following precautions to make sure the measures which are supposed to ban Critical Race Theory from the classroom go far enough.

The American Revolution cannot be mentioned.

The revolution was really violent and that could be upsetting for kids.

Also, the first casualty of the American Revolution, at the Boston Massacre, was a black man, Crispus Attucks.

White children need to feel that they are at the center of every story, so it could be triggering for white children to hear about a black hero.

Cancer Is A No Go

Please do not mention cancer in your classroom. It’s really scary. Plus, cancer is a race issue.

According to the American Cancer Society, “African Americans have a higher cancer burden and face greater obstacles to cancer prevention, detection, treatment, and survival. In fact, Black people have the highest death rate and shortest survival of any racial/ethnic group for most cancers in the U.S.”

This is because black people in America are more likely to live in segregated polluted underserved neighborhoods and because black people face the additional health stress and epigenetic damage of the stress caused by racism. (You can see “Cancer health disparities in racial/ethnic minorities in the United States” in Nature, but please don’t let the students know about this definitive research into the connection between racism and cancer).

Obviously, this means that cancer is a Critical Race Theory subject so it is strictly off-limits.

Never mention cancer!

Although the current law deals with grade schools, we do intend to extend the law to the college level. If this hurts cancer research, at least we have protected our white students.

The Three Little Pigs

We ask our kindergarten teachers to remove any copies of The Three Little Pigs. The book deals with housing inequality which is a Critical Race Theory talking point.

If you find there is no way to avoid reading The Three Little Pigs, please omit the part of the story that deals with the lazy pigs living in substandard housing (i.e. straw and sticks) and instead center the narrative around the clever privileged pig who has the brick house. We want our little white piglets to live in brick houses and never learn about the unsafe living conditions of lazy pigs living in redlined neighborhoods lacking basic services.

It would be particularly damaging to white piglets if they learned that their safe neighborhoods were built at the expense of black communities who were locked out of government mortgage subsidies and instead forced to live in areas bisected by highways, filled with coal plants, toxic waste and industrial pollution.

Here is a study dealing with the health impact of racist housing inequality that you should definitely not read: “The legacy of structural racism: Associations between historic redlining, current mortgage lending, and health,” Social Science & Medicine Population Health.

Although it has been alleged that the Big Bad Wolf is a racist caricature of a Jewish peddler, I think we all know the Big Bad Wolf is really Critical Race Theory and should be boiled in a pot just like in the fairy tale.

Music

We are banning music in our school effective immediately. American popular music was created by African Americans and even the instruments we play were brought to this country by enslaved people.

Absolutely banned from the faculty lounge would be any article like this one, “How Black People Created All Your Favorite Music,” by Sarah Osei. Certainly don’t look at “The soundtrack of history: How Black music has shaped American culture through time: Every genre that is born from America has Black roots,” on NBC.

If we allow students to listen to popular music we will be exposing them to the history of slavery and the triumph of African American culture.

The ideal lesson plan would feature one silent pig living in a British colony. Thank you for respecting freedom!

Also Read:Racism in Classroom Dynamics